i own five pairs of sunglasses, none of which i boughtI am older than happy feet by 54 daysmy favorite sports team is boston creami am a wholesome babythe combined length of my body could wrap around the earth twiceI avoid falling out of planes when possibleI tie my shoelaces, sometimesWhen people point weapons at me i eat themi live in the country of asiait says 4:58 on my clocki go to mcdonald's all the timeFortunately, my cats name is out of my controli water ducks in my gardenI am a firm nonbeliever in spongebobmore people have been to berlin than i havethe dandelions are drawn to my lightI spend many of my nights in a bedwhen death comes to collect me i will challenge her to a pokemon battlei avert my eyes when i come across small childrenI am larger than a single lobsterInteracting with me creates three alternate timelines, one of which is unknowablein literature i represent cleanliness, pureness, playfulnessThere is too much skin in my roomThe existence of eggplants angers me greatlyI scream every time someone perceives meThe christmas tree in my living room is impossible to have sex withI drink eggs when i think the mother chicken deserves itWhen i feel threatened i slightly adjust my form, akin to the eiffel towerThe skeleton in my closet is wrapped in fleshThe smile of my teddy bear grows wider with each passing dayI single handedly hunted the alpaca to extinctionI will inhale one whole Marinovic beachWhen [redacted] falls asleep i stroke him. gentlyThe life sized paintings of me in the attic do not look at me when i moveThe stairs in my basement lead to the white house
